Become the Hero of Your Own Story
I’m a big fan of the Ben Stiller movie The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. In it Walter is confronted by the stark difference between his daily life and the fantasy life he lives in his daydreams. As the story progresses Walter takes on more of the character of his fantasy self, only to find his “boring self” had many wonderful traits too. In between, he actually becomes the hero of his own life.
Most of us misunderstand what it means to be a hero. Every great story has a hero. The best writers understand that great stories have a character (hero) who wants something but doesn’t know how to get it. She or he meets a guide who gives her or him a plan for what and how to attain that thing. The hero then uses the plan to go through trials and overcome adversity to get the thing they want. Over the course of the story the hero is changed, becomes more than she or he was at the beginning of the story, and their goal was merely the impetus for this change.
Heroes are always people with flaws and severe limitations, and they’re usually inconsistent in their efforts. Due to these things, attaining what they want is something beyond their abilities if they don’t get help. That help comes from a guide and it’s the relationship between the hero and the guide that makes the happy ending possible. But, for the guide to help the hero she or he must clearly identify what they desperately want.
Too many of us fail to recognize that we’re supposed to be the heroes of our own stories. We may be fully (even painfully) aware that we have flaws and limitations, and are inconsistent in our efforts to achieve something worthwhile, but we don’t ever stop to recognize that we were made to be the hero of our own story. The problem is that every story, even our own, requires the hero to have worthwhile and desirable aspirations.
Heroes must have worthwhile and desirable aspirations if we’re going to give them our attention.
The character that aspires to attain comfort, wealth, power or attain material things is seldom, if ever, the hero of a story. Those things may eventually come to the person, but they aren’t attractive enough to grab our interest – they’re just too far from the basic desires of our hearts. Worthwhile things drive great stories.
Purpose, meaning, significance and connection are almost always core desires of heroes in a great story. Luke Skywalker longs for a life of purpose far from the farm on Tatoine, Bilbo Baggins seeks a more meaningful existence beyond the sleepy safety of the Shire, Katniss Everdeen wants to save her sister and the people of District 12, and Harry Potter wants a family that’s free from the touch of evil. They all want something substantial.
Heroes must also be committed to the path and strategies they’re given by their Guide. Once they’ve enlisted the help of the guide and have been shown the way to attain their goal, each hero repeatedly faces situations where she or he must rely on their teaching. Though the hero may make missteps and occasionally fail, it’s the consistent application of the Guide’s strategy over the journey that eventually gets them there.
Most of us don’t realize that, to a large extent, we’re the authors of our own stories. We are the ones who must establish the worthwhile, meaningful, and desirable goals of our own journeys. Although we encounter obstacles and opposition in our life, it will be our choices over time that determine the ending, Consistent and strategic choices get us closer to our goals. Erratic or haphazard choices don’t get us what we most deeply desire. Most of the time our stories are bleh simply because we haven’t determined what kind of hero we want to be or we haven’t consistently made the kind of choices that will get us there.
Then there’s that whole problem of finding our Guide. Heroes never find their way through trial and error, nor do they make it through trials and obstacles through dogged self-reliance. They have to be shown the way. Perhaps that’s the reason our society has so few true heroes: we’re hell-bent on making it on our own even when we intuitively understand every hero needs a guide?
If your story has gotten lost or become watered down or you never started writing it, maybe it’s time to take it back.
Maybe it’s time to create a better story, one that’s worth living and sharing.
Maybe you need to determine what worthwhile thing(s) are the objective of the hero (you) in your story.
Maybe you need to take the time to write out what you want most in the important areas of your life – your marriage, parenting, work, friendships, service – whatever is most important to you? (Remember, it’s got to be important enough that you’re willing to go through trials and difficulties to attain it.)
Maybe you need to enlist the help of a guide to help you get a better understanding of what you want, then teach you how to get it when trials and difficulties come your way?
Maybe you need to figure out the consistent patters and strategies you’ll have to embrace in order to eventually get you the thing(s) you want most?
I help people write better stories. Yes, that sounds audacious but it’s the truth.
Every day I’m sitting in a restaurant or on the end of a video call helping someone become the hero of her or his own story. It’s what I was made for and what I’m passionate about, My work is about helping people become the hero of their own story. If you truly want to have a better story, then I’d love to talk with you.
With My Best Regards,
Dr. Jim